9-Sweep Ball
by moxontherun
Summary: After winning the game, the Beta Kids and Trolls find a home together on a new Earth. Seeking to celebrate the milestones they missed while playing, the kids propose having a prom. As Karkat's frustrations begin to bubble over and Feferi's tumultuous dynamic with Sollux and Eridan peaks, the two hardly-familiar trolls develop an unlikely emotional bond.
1. Chapter 1, Part 1: Karkat

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

The clock on the wall reads 12:37 PM.

_Three hours and thirty-seven down. Not counting breaks, that leaves four hours and twenty-three. Subtract forty-five, and that makes it… ugh, what's the fucking point?_

Another day, another deathwish. Nothing quite drains my lifeforce like the capitalist vise grip of the nine-to-five machine. Every fucking day is a cycle ran through ad nauseam. Grab the newspaper from outside. Take yesterday's off the shelf and stock today's. Update the FedEx inventory. Scan the shelves for expired shit. Print every. Single. Fucking. Picture. Order. That. Went. Through. Last. Night. And yes, I promise you all eight hours of my shift are this tedious. Do you know how hard it is for me to muster up a Disneyland attitude when I'm subjected to career purgatory for 5/7ths of the week? Not hard. Try impossible.

I didn't think this is what life on Earth would be like. I mean I knew it would be insufferable. Any planet responsible for mothering a fleshbug as irritating as that hipster fuckstick Strider must be. But this? My all-powerful God, strike me down with whatever biblical psionic powers you possess. I shouldn't have to work this sort of job. I busted my ass for years playing a game to save the universe, and I won. Yet here I am, doing pull-ups on the bottom rung. Me and my pitiful upper body strength.

If I were to guess, my (yes, still-secret) mutant blood transferred to Earth in fiscal value, because why else would I be working such a… "humble" occupation? And by humble I of course mean demeaning and inspiring of "I'm gonna pull a Chubbuck" attitudes. I'm a fucking cashier. At Walgreens. I'm the embodiment of the American Dream, on full display for the burger-gorging masses. No upwards mobility in a workspace where I'm exposed to the worst sorts of abuse via the sheer stupidity of people. Is it possible to be legitimately abused by ways of oblivious airheadery? If you're shaking your head and thinking _well obviously not_, then congratulations you eternal fog-for-brains, you've clearly never worked retail.

Maybe I wouldn't be complaining so much if I were actually working for something. Who knows? Technically I am, but it isn't much. I share an apartment with Strider, lucky me. We got it for a bargain and it comes with some amenities. I mean the door locks. The cabinets… hold things. We can wash our clothes in the cleaning appliances that break once a fucking week, and ride an elevator that does the same by the hour. But I'm not on the street singing show tunes for rusty pocket change, so it isn't all bad.

As usual, work can't help but be a fucking downer. And the commute home even more so. Not only do I get to travel back to my own private Hooverville, but the musky, vandalized slum shuttle the kids call a "bus" passes through the best neighborhoods in the city as if to say "Fuck you, Vantas. Grovel and beg. We love the grovel. Give our shoes a shine while you're at it, eh?"

Thankfully, the bus isn't as jam-packed as it could be, which gives me some room to breathe. It's springtime now, and the weather is flowery and warm enough for people to walk or find other ways to work. Because when winter creeps its sneering, snaggle-toothed hiney around the seasonal corner, boy-oh-fucking-boy does shit get too close for comfort. Sweaty guys in stained white tees squishing their slop-storers up against your back and having the nerve to tell _you _to get out of _their_ way. Like fuck a paraplegic Koopa for five rounds and die, you dense population of Warios.

Alright, first stop on the Lower Class Torment Express. The nicest sect in town, which homes the seadwellers. It must be nice for them to have taken all their societal advantages and financial privileges and gadgets and gizmos aplenty and whos-its and whats-its galore with them from Alternia, because these chute-stuffers are living it the fuck _up_. This is the most depressing part of the ride, naturally.

Then we get to the not-a-beach-resort-in-all-but-name part of the city. It's a gated community Equius, Nepeta, Rose, Kanaya, and Gamzee call their homes. Equius is one hundred percent in his element here, considering everyone is a stuffy, pompous tool who looks down on others just a bit too easily for my liking. And I hate everyone, remember that. But these assclowns take it to a really icky level. Gamzee doesn't fit in at all, and I think these shitheads know it. All the guy does is smoke hash, and I'm sure the incessant stench of it lowers the property value. I support the antics. Stick it to the man.

Vriska and Terezi's neighborhood is up next. This one is still pretty intimidatingly-fancy, but at least it looks like a place where actual fucking people dwell. The homes are still pretty mansion-y, but they're grounded. As grounded as mansions can be, at least. Terezi's really reaping the benefits of that lawyer money, and Vriska… well, knowing her weird 8 ball/dice obsession, probably got real lucky on a gamble. Spiderbitch will be in my exact spot by next week, I guarantee it.

John and Sollux's neighborhood follows. It's a bit nicer than mine but honestly, not really all that much to see. It's been spruced up a bit by the Caucasians, as Rose the Ever-Political describes them. She talks about white humanpeople like aliens, honestly. Caucasian. What a clinical term. So yeah, it's alright, but still not enough to comfortably call a family-friendly environment. No wonder Sollux keeps himself holed up in his room practicing for 20XX, whatever that is.

I usually pay a bit of attention around now, because I always manage to spot Feferi in the area. She comes around every so often, and this is just one of many times I've seen her on my way home from work. And each time, she gives me the most enthusiastic of waves. I don't really get why. Yet without fail, every go-around, I force one back, just because I don't wanna hear it from Sollux next time he trolls me. What's going on with them is so fucking confusing, too. I mean they aren't exactly dating but there's definitely… something still. Better just not to poke the bear.

Now this is the real depressing part. Tavros, Aradia, Jade, Dave and I's. It's slummy as all asshair-singing hell. Project building after project building with the occasional bodega to break up the monotony of the architecture. Once I'm off the bus, the physical toll of my job starts catching up. The sweat I produce running between the aisles and the register with very few breaks leaves my skin glistening and slick, and the shooting pain in my feet and calves gives me a serious Tavros complex. I'll be the first Alternian in fucking history to buy Dr. Scholl's. You can't say I'm not an innovator. And holy fuck, is the sun ever hot today. The heat always seems to catch me at my grumpiest, and I'm really not having it.

I drag my lethargic corpse into my apartment to be hit by a lariat's force of cool air. It feels nice now, but the bill is gonna pound our grundles lubeless because of it. But I don't mind at this point. I need the relaxation.

I'm making my way back to my room when I spot Dave cuddled up with Terezi on the couch, giggling up a storm. Unfortunately for these metaphorical Fozzies though, my Statler and Waldorf gauge is at max capacity, because I'm the exact opposite of peaches and cream. I'm… uh… apricots and yogurt? I'm shit at metaphors. Rose is the writer, not me. Get off my back about it.

TG: sup

GC: H3Y K4RKL3S! YOUR3 SW34T1NG. GOT COMFY W1TH Z4HH4K, D1D Y4?

Never a dull moment with Snarkmaster Supreme around, folks.

CG: CRADLE YOUR RESPECTIVE CROTCHES. I'M FUCKING EXHAUSTED.

GC: HOW RUD3

TG: no worries t-rez

TG: were just two friends wanting to know how his day went is all

TG: we arent entitled to kindness or anything

TG: thats narcissus think

CG: IT WENT FINE, DAVE. MAGICALLY. CAN I GET IN THE SHOWER NOW, PLEASE?

GC: ONLY 1F YOU PL4N ON 1NV1T1NG US 1N!

_Don't blush, Karkat._

CG: WHAT THE FUCK, NO-

TG: i second this

_Dammit._

CG: DAVE STOP-

TG: get your coupons out

TG: theres a sale at birthday suits r us

TG: and im cleaning out the entire stock

CG: OH MY GOD

GC: DON'T B3 SO SHY! 1T'S 4LL 1N GOOD FUN

CG: I'VE HAD QUITE ENOUGH "FUN" FOR TODAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. I'M ALL FUNNED OUT. WORK WAS A FUCKING PALOOZA, GUYS. A CAVALCADE OF ENTERTAINMENT. SO IF IT ISN'T TOO MUCH TROUBLE, I'D LIKE TO BE BORING FOR THE REST OF THE EVENING.

TG: knock yourself out ben stein

CG: I RESENT THAT STATEMENT, PUPPET-PEGGER.

And with that, I retired to the lavatory. I got cleaned up, which did a lot for my grossness but not much for a whole lot else. For dinner was a five-star selection made by my wonderful roommate and his cultured beau: McNuggets. I had about three before I regurgitated it into the bin. And after all that, I finally went to my room, and my head finally hit my pillow.

It was the most relieving thing I could've asked for. It brought to me a comfort not offered by all the cuddles and McNuggets in the entire multiverse. It was rest, and rest was what I needed. And I had it. I had peace…

… until I remembered that this torturous cycle starts from step one the second I open my eyes tomorrow.

Fuck. This. Shit.

I didn't think it was possible, but dammit, I miss Sgrub.


	2. Chapter 1, Part 2: Feferi

The sun rose over the ocean waters with a comforting ease. The birds began chirping on what's essentially their cue, almost recognizing the serene, portraitesque sight for what it was. The world was just starting to wake up, and the liveliness of the day was just rolling out of the metaphorical bed.

Me? I've been swimming for a good three hours.

My life has been fairly lax since we got on Earth. After my friends beat the game and Lord English, I've found myself a home in this really clam beach town! It's honestly just as spacious as my hive back in Alternia, so there wasn't too much whiplash with the living situation. I think that's how things worked out for everyone else, too, so I guess they're having pretty easy transitions too! They're all pretty far from here, though, so I can't be too sure. I have no real reason to be cynical about that though, so I assume the best!

I tend to wake up nice and early to explore the waters, and even though they aren't as vast and, admittedly, dangerous as things back home, they're really something to see! Tons of cute fish and pretty plant formations to encourage a dive! As I'm taking my daily dip, the beauty of the sunrise welcomes the day ahead of me and instills the positivity I make it my mission to carry unconditionally. It's impossible not to feel as if Earth is my oyster.

Then, the phone rings.

Sollux usually sends a good morning message my way, and while it's very sweet of him, it's also kind of… awkward? Me and him aren't matesprits anymore, and we haven't been for a long while. We agreed just to be friends, and that's been going okay for the most part. Though there are moments where he acts red with me. I call him out on it, and he says it's force of habit. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, but I can't help but feel like it's on porpoise sometimes.

Especially because of Eridan.

It's pretty common knowledge, what happened on the meteor. Eridan had this crazy idea to join Jack, me and Sollux tried to stop him, and well… I was dead. Dead for awhile. But now I'm back! And so is he. And since then he's carped on and on about how sorry he is, how up to the gills he is in regret, how he wants nothing more than for me to forgive him, how glubbing awful of a friend he was and how he wants to prove his remorse is reel and-

Sorry, sorry. I got carried away with the puns there! I'm fin-ished now I-

… I'm finished now, I swear.

But to sum it up, Eridan is living in the same part of town as me, and that makes letting old grudges stand a bit of a chore. He's been trying his hardest to make amends, and I figured I'd let him. After all, we were kids back then, and a lot of time has passed since then. We spent most of that time dead, granted, but the point stands. Where was I though? Oh, yeah. The phone. I should probably answer.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

TA: rii2e and 2hiine ff

CC: Good morning bumblebro! 38)

TA: how wa2 your diip

TA: refre2hiing ii hope

TA: youre gonna need all the hydratiion you can iif you plan on priince22iing iit up the way you alway2 do

CC: Was t)(at a red pass or a black rib?

TA: eheheheh

TA: whiich wont get me a forceful fiin two the face

Ugh.

CC: COD DAMMIT SOLLUX! W-E TALK-ED ABOUT T)(IS!

I really wish he'd just… like, not. But at the same time, here I am, trembling like an idiot.

TA: you free later?

CC: Yea)(, I've got nofin planned. Want me to stop by?

TA: can you? ii need an excu2e two 2tep away from melee for a biit. 2triider iintroduced me two my ver2iion of what the2e earth folk2 call "crack"

TA: iif ii hear another "tor-yaaa" thii2 week ii miight actually troll carriie up a joiint

CC: I'll be t)(ere! Wanna grab a bite?

TA: 2ure

TA: how doe2 2u2hii 2ound

I eyerolled the biggest eyeroll to ever roll.

CC: Glub to T)(AT zinger.

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling twinArmageddons [TA]

I should probably get dressed and go now, so he doesn't troll me endlessly about my tardiness. You guys can interpret that however you want. Luckily, Earth is a lot more gracious in the fabric department than Alternia, and Kanaya helped me fill my wardrobe with some gorgeous stuff! I put on the cutest sundress I can find, get on the bus, and head to Sollux's.

And it went alright! I honestly love experiencing the culture around his area, because it's just so different and diverse compared to mine! The foods, the makeshift shops, the performers in the streets and on the subways… it's all so sacred and beautiful! In my part of the city, people really keep to their own, but here, everyone's interacting. It's a pot full of commonfolk cultures and there's just so many new people out there I want to coddle! Especially when you hear about what's happening to some of them when you flick on the news. So much unaddressed violence, culling, and ugliness. All the more reason to coddle!

We got food (NOT sushi) as promised, and even hung out in one of those department store thingies they have in his neighborhood! They had a place to grab coffee, some chairs on display that we appropriately colonized, and all sorts of toys we screwed around with. For as much of a glubbing handful this friendship with Sollux can be, he still knows how to treat me to a good time.

Speaking of handfuls…

It's around this time of day I bump into Eridan.

I walk back towards the bus and wait. Wait for awhile, actually. The bus has some listed times for when they should be here, but those are never reliable. It's pretty much a waiting game. One bus passes, but it isn't mine. Karcrab's on that one, and every time I come to see Sollux he's on his commute home from work. Me and him never really got that close back home, but I see no reason to snub him. So I wave, and he waves back.

My bus finally does get here, and by the time I'm at my stop, the sun has set. I walk home and see Eridan down the block. And I know he sees me. I can't tell if it's sheer coincidence or a purposeful routine on his end, but he paces over all awkwardly to me and strikes up small talk.

CA: hey fef

CC: )(ey -Eridan. )(ow're t)(ings?

CA: cant do too much complainin in all honesty

CC: I'm glad!

CA: yeah ivve just been passin the time wwith some wwritin

CC: Is it for your videos?

I don't know how I forgot to mention this, but since we've gotten here, Eridan's carved and filled a hole in the "debunking" niche of YouTube and has even been making his own content. It's been making a real splash, too, considering he has a good few thousand subscribers! Who would've though that there was such a wide audience for that stuff?

CA: yep ivve been tossin around a feww ideas recently and dont knoww wwhich one to settle on

CC: Water t)(ey?

CA: ill spare ya the lifetimes-wworth-of-laundry list and just elaborate a bit on the one at the forefront of my thinkspace

CA: ivve been readin lalondes wwizard books and that gavve me the idea to debunk

There's the buzzword.

CA: some of the more out there magic based conspiracy theories like the illuminati and cryptids by wways of science

CC: I like it!

CA: wwait really

CC: S)(ell yea)(! I t)(ink you s)(oald go for it!

CA: alright then i wwill

CA: wwanna be the first to wwatch wwhen its uploaded

CC: S)(ore!

CA: i hope this one gets a boatload of vviewws

CA: ill showw that hack the armoured skeptic wwhat for

Sensing that the conversation was nearing its close, Eridan and I just stand there, ever so awkwardly. Are we on a hug level? I don't know. He did lean in for one, though, and I just let him. I sorta gave one too, but neither one felt sure of its own being. And he was off after that. He spedwalk towards his place and left me to my trek back.

Every now and then, I did miss the oceans of Alternia. I didn't miss the culling so much, but I did miss having my lusus just a breaststroke away. Things are calm here at night, but they're also really empty. Even a bit lonely. All I have this time of night are the moon, the stars, and the waves…

Buzz, buzz, buzz.

My phone's going off. I can only assume it's Sollux, wanting to set plans for tomorrow. I go to check it… but it's Eridan. Odd. He never trolls anymore. Better see what's going on.

caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling cuttlefishCuller [CC]

CA: hey

CC: -Eridan? Are you okay?

CA: yeah im fine

CA: hey i wwas wwonderin if you wwere free tomorroww

CC: As of now, yea)(. But I don't know if somet)(ing'll come up. W)(y? Wanted to sea me?

CA: yeah i wwas thinkin you could come ovver and wwe can just hang

CC: )(mmmmm, I don't know.

CA: awwh cmon fef i dont mean it in a creepy unrequited red wway

CA: i just wwanna get together for old times sake

I wasn't too sure about this. I'm glad that me and Eridan are being civil again, but can things ever really be normal again? He was always a bit of an unhinged handful, even if he was just a kid, and things got pretty glubbing nuts towards the end of our lives-

CA: fef wwhered ya go

CC: W)(oops, just lost in t)(oug)(t, )(a)(a)(a!

CA: so wwhatre ya thinkin

I wasn't.

CC: S)(ore!

CA: wwhoa really

CC: Yea)(, I don't sea w)(y not.

CA: oh okay

CA: didnt expect a yes honestly

CA: ill see ya tomorroww

CC: BY-E! 38)

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

Oh, glub.


End file.
